On Frustration.

This entry will be a little more personal, I guess.

Last night, I reached a breaking point with my first MS. I wanted to forget about it, delete it, rip my hair out, etc. Some might even call it…a temper tantrum, haha.

There were a number of triggers. One, I’ve gotten (great) critiques to it and a big part of me wants to be done with it. I’m impatient and, in my opinion, I’ve been at this long enough to be done with it (whether or not that’s true isn’t exactly the point). I’m disappointed that it’s taking me this long to get to a good place with the MS.

I think I’m also seeing folks doing things I want to do– they’re making good films, writing good stories, being good dancers. And I’m just like, “Why isn’t this me!?” And so, my insecurities set in, and I’m just unsure of what I’m doing and if I’m happy with where I’m going.

But, Lord, is it tough. Last night, I decided I was driving myself nuts, and so I went to sleep. Of course, I had nightmares about every insecurity under the sun (from my body, to my projects, to my career– it was like a tour of all of my weaknesses over eight hours). 

Needless to say, I didn’t wake up in good shape, but my nightmares were a wake-up call that I was in a bad funk about all of this, and I needed to get to a better place. And so, I had a good, long talk with myself and I’m taking a small break from revising. Not critiquing and being critiqued, but revising. And I’m trying to renegotiate my expectations for myself.

And now, I’m feeling a lot more energized. Just thought I’d share this since I tend to take so much of what I do seriously- especially writing, but everything else in my life, too. Not sure how common the feeling is, but…here we are.

Anyway, feeling good about the way things are going. Mental health, man– it’s real. 

Cheers, 😉

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4 thoughts on “On Frustration.

  1. I know the feeling! Sometimes it feels like “it” will never happen. “It” may be different for all of us, but we have to keep working towards our goals. For me, it isn’t frustration with what I’m doing, but rather the time I get to devote to it. It feels like I should just give up because at this pace I’ll be ancient by the time “it” happens. And I take what I do very seriously too. I think as a writer we have to. At first I thought I would just try this writing thing as a hobby, but I quickly realized you can’t approach it like that. You have to take yourself, your dreams and what we do to achieve those dreams very seriously. Otherwise we are just floating in place rather than swimming upstream, and that’s hard enough!

  2. I hear you on taking it seriously– definitely! Was one of my resolutions for this year; you have to take ownership of your time and use it wisely. I felt myself being pulled in very different directions as people made demands on my time; you have to be careful with how you spend it. We’re only here for a limited time, unfortunately or not, :-/

  3. I hear you. Sometimes I want to give up because the pain, setbacks, and countless hours devoted to a work that might end up becoming something completely different in the future (and let me take a breath here, phew!) drives me crazy. But I don’t stop. I can’t stop. (I think Miley had a song about this.) Deep down I know it’s worth it. And it is! You’re a great writer, Steve. It’s true. You’ll get where you want to be. In due time! Slow and steady wins the race. Sending hugs and good vibes!

  4. Oh, I think it’s pretty common. I’ve been there myself. I could tell you not to give up, to keep things in perspective, to remember that everyone’s journey is different, that good things are worth the wait, but I’m sure you know it already. Sometimes I have to step back, stop looking at what other people are accomplishing, and give myself some time to remember that my story is worth the fight (and the tears and the agony and everything else)!

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